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Proverbs & Quotes - Funny Quotes

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Looking fifty is great - if you're sixty.
Joan Rivers

If you can find humor in anything - even poverty - you can survive it
Bill Cosby

I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
Gilda Radner

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
John C. George

If you think that no one cares about you, try not paying the bills
Anonymous

When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a Red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
Walt Disney

Forever is a long time, but not as long as it was yesterday.
Dennis H'Orgnies

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no river.
Nikita Khruschev

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
Anonymous

To err is human. And stupid.
Anonymous

Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
Philippe Shnoebelen

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs louder.
Anonymous

If the facts don’t match the theory – change the facts.
Albert Einstein

You can't say civilization don't advance, in every war they kill you in a new way
Will Rogers

If you can see the light at the end of the tunnel you are looking the wrong way.
Barry Commoner

The best way to survive an accident is not to get into one.
Ad for Subaru

Staring in a cookie is like staring in your future. Until you've tasted it - what do you know? After you tasted it - it is too late.
Merlin

A schizofernian is never alone.
Anonimous

Philosophy is a study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently.
Anonymous

Enjoy life, there’s plenty of time to be dead
Anonymous

One thing I know is that I know nothing
Socrates’ Paradox

I think, therefore I’m single
Lizz Winstead

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
Nicholas Murray Butler

It doesn't matter if you are on the right track, if you don't move you will get run over
Will Rogers

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
Fr. Jerome Cummings

Never use violence when you can use accessive force.
The first rule that every policeman lear

We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.
Douglas Adams

If an animal does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence.
Will Cuppy

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.
Douglas Adams

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
Henry J. Kaiser

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Philander Johnson

Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism
Anonymous

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
Anonymous

You take all of the experience and judgment of men over 50 out of the world and there wouldn't be enough left to run it.
Henry Ford

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Samuel Goldwyn

The first forty years of life give us the text: the next thirty supply the commentary.
Arthur Schopenhauer

Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
Jeff Pesis

Nothing is so unbelievable that oratory can't make it believable.
Cicero

Don't worry about senility - when it hits you, you won't know it.
Bill Cosby

Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.
Ivana Trump

Proverbs & Quotes - Funny Quotes

Looking fifty is great - if you're sixty.

If you can find humor in anything - even poverty - you can survive it

I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

If you think that no one cares about you, try not paying the bills

When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a Red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.

Forever is a long time, but not as long as it was yesterday.

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no river.

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

To err is human. And stupid.

Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs louder.

If the facts don’t match the theory – change the facts.

You can't say civilization don't advance, in every war they kill you in a new way

If you can see the light at the end of the tunnel you are looking the wrong way.

The best way to survive an accident is not to get into one.

Staring in a cookie is like staring in your future. Until you've tasted it - what do you know? After you tasted it - it is too late.

A schizofernian is never alone.

Philosophy is a study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently.

Enjoy life, there’s plenty of time to be dead

One thing I know is that I know nothing

I think, therefore I’m single

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.

It doesn't matter if you are on the right track, if you don't move you will get run over

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.

Never use violence when you can use accessive force.

We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.

If an animal does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence.

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

You take all of the experience and judgment of men over 50 out of the world and there wouldn't be enough left to run it.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

The first forty years of life give us the text: the next thirty supply the commentary.

Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.

Nothing is so unbelievable that oratory can't make it believable.

Don't worry about senility - when it hits you, you won't know it.

Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.

You can't say civilization don't advance,
in every war they kill you in a new way